When she isn’t out of control she is very sweet and loving and caring. But I’m beginning to really wish we weren’t together. I laid it down to her that I wasn’t taking it anymore that she could treat me right or I’d leave her and find someone who would. I’m a therapist and dated two women with BPD. It doesn’t manifest at first so I was sucked in deeply before I was sure what I was dealing with. I have handled them, for that most part, you recommend.
Im loosing my mind, and though I know I need to control my emotions…..I find it to be incredibly painfully hard. I just split with a BPD girl after 2 years and a lot of what you said here has made sense. At the start of the relationship I was not too available and was unsure of the relationship which meant I could call the shots and she worshipped me for it. After I committed, I started taking a lot of flak and criticism and for the most part I could hold my own and make her realise I would not budge on most issues. The problem was when she was down I would try and cheer her up with gifts and gestures to show I care. We had a fight as I didnt like the advances of a colleague and so she intentionally went out with the guy as revenge.
And I’m not talking about romantic relationships which I cannot keep those either. My longest relationship was three years long and I probably cheated on him more than 3/4 of the time. And still today 7 or 8 years later I cry about him. I can’t keep relationships with family members or friends even my own kids. I’m sorry for the rant but I moved to a different state in October and I still haven’t been able to see a doctor or go to therapy and it’s something I’ve been doing since I’ve been ten. So I’m just reaching out to anyone that can just say anything back to me because I have no one to talk to I can’t put this shit on Facebook and my boyfriend just doesn’t understand.
Most of our fights comes when she’s super depressed (which is daily…). Most of the time i ask her ”what’s wrong? Unfortunatly at first when she was telling me that i would comfort her until i realised she was crying about her ex. I stopped once i realised it and didn’t want to comfort her until she gave me a good reason, which seriously annoys her. At first i was trying to be nice to her and everything until she got ”raped” by her ex i started to lose what I had for her.
I ignored the red flags because my ego was being stroked. She mirrored all my interests bought me gifts, amazing sex, and seemed like my soul mate. I think the term ” put her in her place”, is a bit demeaning. It is more on the lines that BPD’s need structure. So if they are in a relationship with someone who can find the balance of giving them independence and structure without acting like they are their slaves there can be a happy medium. You seem to have a great understanding of these women and their responses.
You’ll soon learn why it doesn’t really matter if your girl has BPD or not. The same, poor mindsets will ruinall relationships. But, most people struggle with relationships in general these days. It’s very rare to see a man successfuly date a quality woman. Therefore, I focus on teaching the mindsets that are best for BPD relationships.
And just like Zan, you don’t have your credentials listed either. It is better to encourage than it is to criticize. This is a personal blog by someone writing from personal feeling. I see no evidence that this is a competent therapist or has any Psychological background or knowledge.
There is what we call a borderline personality disorder relationship cycle. This is the cycle of the relationships revolving around the person’s disorder and how they handle the connection. Lately she has began to seemingly play games with me – making strange accusations about trivial things I’ve said, not answering questions, blaming me for starting arguments. And yes, in order to keep the friendship from dying I’ve frequently apologised for things I haven’t done. A few months ago and for no good reason she threatened to stop talking to me and that was when I realised I couldn’t let the blackmail continue.
If you are dating someone with BPD or considering dating them, investigate more about the effects it has on relationships. When you have more information, you can prepare better and help your partner manage the symptoms. People with narcissistic personality disorder have an inflated opinion of themselves. Learn about symptoms, diagnosis, and coping with NPD.
It breaks our heart when we feel our behaviour has pushed you away, and sometimes we don’t have the emotional intelligence to fix it, which is where you need to help us. But if I could get people to understand only one thing about being in a relationship with a person with BPD, it’s that we do not enjoy or take pleasure from our behaviour. ’ – yes, we can and do truly love and care for the person we’re with. Now, obviously living in each others’ pockets is neither healthy nor feasible, and sometimes the intensity of someone with BPD’s love can be too much at first.
They can be exhausting but the attraction to a wild unpredictable female is understandable. The reality is that you attract what you project. This is why Borderlines always end up with codependents, and why these relationships usually fail. Most men who date borderline women have just as much issues and inner turmoil. I saw her crying after i turned around after saying goodbye. I know i need to let her go and focus right now on improving myself, so i can be ready for her or another girl.
She started going out and staying overnight at much older men’s homes which caused problems and she said it was the same thing as me living under the same roof as my ex. Eventually I asked why she even was with me and asked her to leave. She said it would require PlentyMoreFish a court order. During all this I was shuttling her to job interviews, divorce court 60 miles away, etc.. My ex, who liked her initially, didn’t trust her anymore. Eventually she started staying weekends at an older gentleman’s home who was much more wealthy.
And the child probably will get bipolar since the parent has it as well. I am even fine accepting her if she is back in the coming months. I have decided not to text her or call her and its been 20 days already. I get some funny looks when I talk about it, but my relationship is enlightened if nothing else.
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