When Jeff shut down, he reflexively focused his attention on their differences. He became irritated with Jean not only with regard to the issue that triggered his tension but also about these differences. At other times he thought about past relationships or fantasized about other potentially more satisfying ones.

• Understanding each conflict avoidant style may inform a person about the emotional safety of the relationship.
• “A lot of people anticipate that talking about how they feel is going to be a confrontation,” psychologist Jennice Vilhauer told the New York Times.
• It can also include nonverbal behavior like rolling your eyes or smirking.
• If you are tired of having to silence yourself or experience anxiety and fear of confrontation, the team at Counseling and Wellness Center is here to help.

Can a relationship survive without conflict?

The lack of feeling safe fuels the tendency to be conflict avoidant and minimally communicative. However, these reactions may weaken a partner’s sense of safety in the relationship and subsequently lead to a constant push by one’s partner to discuss their feelings. At that point, the partner who is conflict avoidant may feel even more threatened and become even more distant.

• This happens because when two people are not communicating, they are not connecting on a physical level either.
• Second, a partner who is egocentric may wish to dodge a person’s disapproval; he or she hides selfish acts and avoids conversations focused on issues in the relationship.
• If you find yourself tiptoeing around issues or avoiding conflict altogether in your relationships, you’re not alone.

Discover more from Psychology Fanatic

Aside from our work life, avoiding conflict can manifest in our romantic relationships, friendships, and even family dynamics. The consequences of conflict avoidance can be very damaging to a relationship. When two people avoid conflict, they are not communicating their needs and desires to each other. The relationship becomes based on assumptions and expectations rather than communication. Additionally, one study found that future perspective is a major factor in determining commitment (Lemay Jr., 2016). Specifically, the research found that those who predicted a favorable relationship and pro-relationship behavior during relationship conflict led to greater relationship satisfaction and investment.

Have a weekly meeting with your partner

Instead of casting blame, try to keep your cool and give your perspective calmly. Here are some signs you might be chronically conflict-avoidant, and why that might be a serious problem. Conflicts are difficult by definition, so don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t great at resolving them. The first parent wants to discipline the daughter when she comes with her latest report card of mostly Cs. The lower grades are going to make it hard to get into a decent college and have a bright future.

• Also, the ideal timing and the best language choice for addressing an issue varies from couple to couple and from issue to issue.
• They’d rather swallow their feelings and pretend everything’s sunshine and rainbows than have a tough conversation.
• Learning to recognize the causes of conflict and taking steps to resolve issues can help reduce stress and improve your romantic and interpersonal relationships.
• Gottman has found that it is the top predictor of divorce.3 Contemptuous remarks are those that belittle your partner.
• Instead of conflict avoidance, get in the habit of taking a break when conflict becomes too much.
• First, involvement with a partner who is unable to perspective-take makes it nearly impossible to work out difficulties constructively.

So, what can you do to learn how to stop being afraid of confrontation? They’d rather swallow their feelings and pretend everything’s sunshine and rainbows than have a tough conversation. Rather than endlessly ruminate and allow conflicts to fester in your head, try taking a more assertive approach. Similarly, if you’re more comforted by smells, you can keep an essential oil on hand to take a quick whiff of when you’re feeling anxious. If you’re a visual person, for example, you can relieve stress by closing your eyes and imagining soothing images. Rehearse concise points you’d like to get across to a boss or colleague so you’ll feel confident when addressing them.

You would probably not decide that this would also be a great time to think about how to save more money for retirement, organize your closet, and figure out how to deal with how to deal with someone who avoids conflict an awkward situation at work. This seems obvious, but in the heat of the moment, a fight about one topic can turn into a complaining session, with both partners trading gripes. The more complaints you raise, the less likely it is that any will actually get fully discussed and resolved.

Express your fear to your partner

Discovering the source of your fears surrounding confrontation can be a good place to begin overcoming the issue. A 2021 study, for instance, analyzed same-sex relationships and how they managed conflict during the COVID-19 pandemic. The study found that people were more conflict avoidant during the pandemic, which led to lower levels of satisfaction in the relationship. When you are in a romantic relationship, you likely want to feel comfortable speaking openly and honestly with your partner.